Reconnected to the WORLD!!!

After days and days of deliberation, soul-searching, lost hours of sleep, and ball acquiring (not to mention the golden sealed green-light of approval from mamallama), I manned up and did it.

Did what??

Momentarily shed my shield of pride/awkwardness/embarrassment, knocked sheepishly on my next-door neighbor's door and asked: "Puedo hablar con ustedes?" And the rest, my friends, is history.

My soon-to-be-saviours in 31 are actually a group of psychologists (hmm, coincidence? I think not...) and since my perpetual lack of internet has been a constant thread here on BdLA, it's obvious that I'd already searched high and dry for networks to hack into. Having the technical savviness of a 12 year old butchered my master plan and I was unable to slither my way into zero the 2398 wifi fortresses that appear on my list of "Available Networks." So, I thought: what if you just ask the neighbors if you can use the password?? I mean, it's not like I haven't tried to go about the normal-person way. Just like the bank, I lack all the necessary requirements of a real-human-being and all internet companies refuse to take my money, like Kyle and her apartment. FU RUT. I tried, OK?. And what can I lose from asking?? All they can do is say no....

So today, I did it. I knocked on the door. (My new best friend) Marco opens and invited me in. And the convo ensues as follows:

Me: Sooo, what I'm about to ask is sooooo patuda, but pretty much all of my options have run out and I don't know what else to do.

Marco: (blank stare)

Me: Anyway, so because I'm a foreigner, no internet companies will let me sign a contract with them because I still don't have my permanent RUT, my visa is in tramites, and I don't have a Chilean ID card. To be honest, I am desparate to talk to my family and the only way I can is via skype and since I can't get internet in my apartment I have to go to a cafe or walk with my computer and I don't feel comfortable doing that after already being robbed--twice. So, I know this sounds so patuda, but is there anyyyy way I can use your password (??), I'll pay however much you want, but I just need to be able to talk to my family (and here begins nervous word spewing and spewing and spewing..)......

Marco: Of course-- I'd give it to you now, but I just have to check with the boss. I'll come over and give it to you when he's done with his patient.

Me: (in serious disbelief that it actually worked, on the verge of bowing down and kissing the ground he walks upon) EN SERIO?!?! Gracias gracias gracias X 9283745.. En serio, GRACIAS!!

Stunned, I open the door to my apt and perform a Laura Linney-Love Actually style hop up-and-down jig and smile like a drunk goon (while continuing to flail all possible limbs) at LL for about 19 minutes straight. YAYyyyy!!!!

I called mamallama immediately, of course. And devoured a celebratory gelatto with LL in the parque. So excitedddd!!! So thrilled to not feel so far away, not to feel so disconnected from my peeps, to not have to walk around with my computer searching for free internet in fear of being jacked by a mob of flaites...

Just like the previous weekend's revelation of being able to turn that frown upside-down, this is probably the first instance in which one of mamallama's tried and true mom-isms, actually worked. Apparently, you really never know until you ask.

File that as noted...... Very, very noted,,.......

Last Weekend- Lo bueno y lo Malo

Ok people- this whole blogging situation is getting out of control. Everyday I am aching, paining, convulsing inside to be able to sit down (with a mojito en mi manito, perhaps) and write a legit, detailed- but not overly blabby, quality blog. Alas, mis amigos, I haven't the time nor the telecommunicative abilities. I feel... stifled. But, here I am on this tippiest of Tuesdays, hoarding all the internet and skypage that I can possibly gather into three hours of free internet usage. Aaah wifi bliss... As such, I will unabashedly take this time to paint you a portrait of the fin de semana pasado, and how it's possible to claw yourself, tooth and nail, out of the depths of shittiness and into a pretty damn good time.

Like clockwork, like pokemones to skinny-jeans, like Chilenos to sal, Friday rolls around and the day could not be over quicker. No, I don't really want to make a copy. No, I don't really want to go downstairs to HR. No, I will not take out the trash. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. 6:00 finally motherF#$%ing rolls around and I literally RUN out of the office, sprint to the bus stop, wait... wait.... wait... (never comes al tiro when you actually want it to)... leap off the bus while it's +/- still rolling, speed walk like an Olympian to my apartment. I arrive. Sweating. yeck.

Arriving in the blinkiest blink possible was guided by the sole objective of measuring the wattage on my energy watt-measure-er. CooL! In my endless string of chilean shitstreamage, some SOB electricity-fairy decided to zap her magic wand on my watt-meter which, in doing so, zings my monthly bill to a very NON Polly-Pocket price- which I respectfully decline to pay. A glimpse into my vida electrica: I live in a 2o square meter apartment, lights are turned on for a MAX of 2 hours a day, I unplug EVERYTHING (except for fridge and mircowave) before I leave for work (yes, I have gone green)- where I am the entire day. I've spent a total of one weekend at my place in the last month. You do the math. A bill that should cost me, uh, $6.00USD at most, is costing me $40!!! WTF!? So here I am. La gringa attempting to figure out how on earth such a monstrous quantity of energy is surging through my PP apartment. Comical. You think I could do that speaking English? Muy gracioso. Go ahead- Riete.

Worthless.

I go lay on my bed.

Fall asleep. Drool.

LL calls:

"Vamos a la playa?"
Me: "SI VAMOS!!!! Dame cinco minutos y estoy lista!!!"

Absentmindedly toss some shirts, a swimsuit, n' stuff into a duffel bag and wait like an anxious neglected dog at the door for him to call and say he's here.

Picks me up.

We go to the grocery store- Jumbo in Nunoa, to be exact. BIG MISTAKE. We make our rounds, deciding what we're gonna buy, what to put on the pizza, open a bag of Doritos and eat 'em sinverguenza, and finally make it to the register. Pay. Get in the car. Hop on the costanera, and make a B-line to the beach to forget the BS in Santiago.

About halfway to Algorobizzle, LL goes: "put on some music." I go digging like a vole into my oversized purse for his little red bag containing his two ipods (classic & nano). Not there. Panic. PANIC. Search up/down/inside/out of the car. No where to be found. Noooooooooooooo. No. No puede ser. Tienen que estar en el auto. NO PUEDE SER.

I. Got. Robbed.
(at the GODAMN grocery store of all places).

No PUEDE ser. But it was. They were gone. I felt about 4891 times smaller than this. Cue downfall of tears. Couldn't help it. Felt (feel) awful. LL was quite the dear and instead of bombing me a verbal storm of anger and garabatos, simply said: "forget about it, it could have happened to anyone." As calm as could be. Impressive. 7.

And for those of you who are tallying... that's a total of 3 ipods robbed in my care in the last 9 months. Stupendous.

Eat pizza. Go to bed. Want it to be Saturday. We hate Friday.

From Saturday morning until Sunday evening, we had a surprisingly AWESOME time!! The tables couldn't have turned in a more pleasurable direction. Sleeping in until 2:00 everyday, going to the beach until 7:00 (San Alfonso actually... the biggest pool in the world, NBD) , relaxing, enjoying, hangin' with otros amigos. I, for one, managed to forget all the plagues that had been pestering my brain. Peace. Tranquilidad.

A testament that it is, in fact, possible to forget your problems. To pause the hurricane and descansar. Honestly, never had I been so able to literally "leave my problems at the door." I'm not sure if it was the change of scenery, the lack of alarm clocks, the A+ company, or simply a ginormous bed to dream in. But the combo worked. And it felt maravilloso. When we passed through the last peaje on our way back into STGO, I felt prepared to battle what I'd put on hold here in the city.

Santiago, you're kind of a SOB, but you're not so bad al final...

Stuff about Moi

I totally and shamelessly copied the lovely Ashley... (writing my own answers of course). I usually hate this shit, but am feeling especially introspective as of late. So here's a glimpse into my brainz and souL -->

1. I’ve come to realize that my body. . . needs more H2O.

2. I’ve come to realize that my job. . . might actually turn into a career.

3. I’ve come to realize that when I’m driving. . . i'm not entirely conscious.

4. I’ve come to realize that I need. . . to stop playing with my goddamn hair before i go bald!

5. I’ve come to realize that I have lost. . . almost all ability to språk norsk. skål?

6. I’ve come to realize that I hate it when. . . people underestimate me.

7. I’ve come to realize that if I’m drunk. . . i'm a little more fun & outgoing. sad?

8. I’ve come to realize that money. . . is more important than i thought...

9. I’ve come to realize that certain people. . . are better friends than i'd ever imagined.

10. I’ve come to realize that I’ll always. . . wonder what life would have been like if i'd gone to art school.

11. I’ve come to realize that my sibling(s). . . are the coolest ppl on EARTH. srsly, and i miss them con pura locura.

13. I’ve come to realize that my cell phone. . . is a friend and a foe.

14. I’ve come to realize that when I woke up this morning. . . i was dying of heat. sweating like a dawg.

15. I’ve come to realize that last night before I went to sleep. . . i put in my ear plugs-- damn you noisy-rotating-thing-on-the-roof-next-door!!!

16. I’ve come to realize that right now I am thinking. . . i wish i were going home to LL.

17. I’ve come to realize that my dad. . . is a saint. plain and simple. san marco, per say.

18. I’ve come to realize that when I get on Facebook. . . i feel closer to my peeps. by stalking them. mwahaha.

19. I’ve come to realize that today. . . was a pretty tippy tuesday.

20. I’ve come to realize that tonight. . . i rocked your socks off.

21. I’ve come to realize that tomorrow. . . i might die seeing Avatar. Scary.

22. I’ve come to realize that I really want to. . . be Karen O from the YYYs.

23. I’ve come to realize that the person mostly likely to repost this is. . . my blog reader in Kenya (??).

24. I’ve come to realize that life. . . se complica pero hay que mantenerse tranquilita.

25. I’ve come to realize that this weekend. . . i will simulate being in Colorado by going camping.

26. I’ve realized the best music to listen to when I am upset. . . is prob reggaeton. eh eh.

27. I’ve come to realize that my friends. . . are dirty, smelly hippies and i love every bit of them.

28. I’ve come to realize that this year. . . i need to calm the *f* down and enjoy it.

29. I’ve come to realize that my husband. . . might be chatting with me online.

30. I’ve come to realize that maybe I should. . . get a pedicure.

31. I’ve come to realize that I love. . . a steaming hot shower with hella water pressure (no- not because of that you sicko...).

32. I’ve come to realize that I don’t understand. . . the difference between traer y llevarse.

33. I’ve come to realize my past. . . was spent in an f-ing ice rink.

34. I’ve come to realize that parties. . . are more fun with games. or costumes.

35. I’ve come to realize that I’m totally terrified. . . still, of birds. they have no fear of humans.

36. I’ve come to realize that my life. . . is nothing like i'd ever imagined.

Oh How I Long for Theeeeee(S)

Today is my official "I landed on Chilean Earth One Year Ago" anniversary and, as such, I'm contemplating, pondering what I truly miss the most from the land of the brave and the home of the free (obv besides the family, cuz that's just too DUH)- in no particular order:

1. Netflix
2. Light Beer
3. Micro-brewed beer (NB, OD)
4. Cell phone accessibility to fam/friends
5. Driving, with loud music, singing like a little screaming monkey
   
6. Not having to think about being robbed at all times
7. Coffee Shops (AlleyCat, DeJaVu, etc.)
8. Markdown stores (Nord.Rack, TX Max, u know u luv a good bargain)
9. Horsetooth reservior
10. A plethora of awesome TV shows
    
11. Healthy Choice Cappuccino Chocolate Chip Ice Cream (omggg)
12. (it's not delivery it's) Digiorno Pizza
13. Going to Whole Foods w/ my mom and sampling everything possible
14. Chai Teaaa
15. Cowboys
16. Used book stores
17. Drinking games (beer pong! flip cup!)
18. Endless varieties of almost everything (ie: top ramen/cereal kinda amazing)
19. Delish (and picante!) Mexican food & Rio margaritas mmmmm
    
20. CHEDDAR CHEESE OMG

Hmm... so it appears as if the puck stops at 20. I'm positive that in about 1.45 minutes I will think of at least 4 other things to add to the list, but they must just have to wait until January 12th, 2011.

////What did/do you miss when living in a foreign country/place?
////What is my list missing??
////Which would you miss the most if you were me??
////If Netflix isn't one of the greatest inventions of the 21st century, what is?!

ONE. YEAR. ANNIVERSARY (!!)

Dear Chile, Chilito, Chi Chi Chi Le Le Le,

Happy one year anniversary!! Can you believe we made it?! Can you believe that it was exactly one year from today that I boarded the plane, headed about as south as planes fly, without the slightest clue as to what the outcome would be? Man, what a year it's been, huh? You've taught me sooo many things, made me happy, sad, frustrated, stoked, confused, and so many other emotions that always seem to become wildly magnified when in your company. We've laughed, cried (hopefully that emo stage is over 4 good), we've (and by we, I mean I) fallen in love, gotten robbed, learned new languages, volunteered, scored jobs, traveled (unfortunately, I don't really know you as well as I'd like to), and lived the foreign life, a good life, a life with lots of surprises- where no two days are the same.

With you I got my first grown-up job, a job with a suit, legit benefits, lunch!- a job with a bright future, with a great company. With you, I moved into my first apartment all by myself. It is something that I have been aching to do, and you finally pushed me to my limit (not you, las locas) and I did it all on my own- well, with the help of LL of course. And I love it. You gave me my own space, a peace I had been craving. With you, I have experienced the ups and downs (vacillating as they may be) of being a young adult, faced with so many decisions that I don't necessarily feel 100% prepared to make. But you force me to try and do the right thing: sometimes it turns out just fine, other times it couldn't have blown up in my face worse (will refrain from examples). Decisions that will, without a doubt, shape the upcoming years of my life, that will, for better or worse, maintain a presence in what I do, where I am, and how I am living. All I ask is that you help a sistah out, help me do it right, the best possible way I'm able, help me tener claridad, que esté tranquila.

Yes, I admit, I've blamed you for how deeply I miss my family. But, in the end, it's not really your fault. Like I said, it's me who is making the decision to live here. The cliché has finally rung true: It's not you- it's me. And I'm sorry that sometimes it makes me surly, it makes me sad, that sometimes I don't know how to express my worries that I might be here forever, far far away from the family I love so profoundly (not to mention Whole Foods, Victoria's Secret, New Belgium, Pizza Casbah, Gibs Bagels- oh, how the list could go on and onnn...). You just seem to have this characteristic that brings out the worry-wart that has always been a scratch's length under the skin. You got me itchin', my friend, that's for sure. I'm trying to loosen up about it and listen to my mama when she says to "stop and smell the roses." And, of course, to "chillax." I mean, it's not every Jane or María who can say they've lived for an extended period of time in a foreign country, going there knowing not a soul, not knowing what (the heck!!) to expect. For this, you make me stronger, more attune with myself, and ever more wide-eyed than before. So thank you, and please understand when some days are more difficult than others.

Luckily, one the A++ things you have so deftly dropped into my life is my beloved LL. He is one that brings ease to those tricky days, one of the few who calms my nerves, worry and uncertainty of being on a different continent. For this, Chile, I love you. Never have I felt so content in a relationship-- no, my apologies, not with you, with him. He's the luckiest strike I've bowled and, I will maintain this pair (you+me) to be with him as long as I breathe your smoggy air. No matter how much you piss me off, frustrate me to no avail, no matter how many papers I have to sign, or times I have to visit the dreaded extranjeria, nothing you can do will make me jump this ship. LL, you've got me hooked dahling.

So, querido Chilito, gracias for the last 12 months-- they've been everything, nothing, gone beyond, and slid blows all expectations I could have pondered. And as much as I dig ya, I hope this year flies cuz, baby, I'm headin' home to my majestic purple mountains and fruited plains come Christmas. Hope you understand.

Un abrazo,
Abejita

PS- in case you don't recall, here are some highlights from the 1st year of our relash:

January: Arrived luggageless to Santiago, realized how royalled f'd I will be if I don't learn Spanish, stat. Getting to know you with the NGO who brought me here.
February: Visited Torres del Paine with Amy. Amazing. Breathtaking.
March: Getting to know you better- museums, concerts, theater...
April: My best friends, TerryTots, LO, and Bouss come visit- a week of pure bliss, wish they didn't have to leave. Met Chilena bff Karen Castle ... 1st trip to Mendoza, Argentina (gotta renew your damn tourist visa every 90 days).
May: Notmuch, other than MEETING THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. In an interview. Rarr.
June: Meet up with Lo and Bouss in Buenos Aires, and we also hop over to Uruguay (loved it, dying to go back). 23rd: LL and I go out, on a date (for real, not another interview).
July: 1st visit to Algarrobo <3. HOME for two weeks, love CO.
August: Begin radio show, celebrate LL's week long 26th B-day.
September: 1st Chilean bachelorette party. Celebrating 18 de Septiembre con los mejores amigos, lo pase la raja!!!-- Like 4th of July, but better!
October: 2nd visit to Mendoza: wine tasting, fresh air, bike riding, battery recharging for my FIRST day of work!! I'm like suuuuch a grown up now...
November: PARENTS VISIT (bestthingever). Awesome Manu Chao concert.
December: Moved into my OWN apartment!! Celebrated my 24th B-day with the amor de mi vida y todos mis amigos!! 1st South American Christmas with my adopted family :)

It's be bakan, la raja, estupendo, choro, todo!!! Ha sido de todo un poco!!! Hasta el proximo Chilito!!!

2 Exciting things... But only One.. Wait- 2!!

So, this whole afternoon, I have been scheming this post because, at some very random point in the day, I said to my little self: "B- you have to write a quick blogski about the two very cool things that happened today." And, as luck would have it, I cannot for the LIFE of me remember what the second cool thing was... not even a little bit. ((*&%^$!!!) So apparently only one cool thing happened throughout my day today:

I got a new mouse at work!!


.... and silence (Biggest let down ever, or no?). Scoring a new mouse has significantly improved my mood-- hey.- you try dealing with an epileptic, mind-of-its-own, son-of-a-bitch mouse all day everyday and see how pleasant you become-- it's one of those small things that really brightens your day. Crap, why can't I think of the second thing?¿ Has my brain completely gone to mush?? God, it appears so. I'm blaming the month of January. My day was exciting in a different way yesterday, but today the only action I got is from a
OMG I JUST REMEMBERED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I stumbled across an AWESOME food blog!! Half of its radness comes solely from it's name: The Half Assed Kitchen. Sound familiar?? Claro que si. Vamos a ser amigos... Unfortunately this totally cool blog is a complete and utter waste on me as a Martha because 1) I don't even have an oven ("you never know what you miss it until it's gone"- so true), and 2) about half of all recipes' essential ingredients aren't sold in CHile. Grrr. Or if they are, they are wayyyy above my polly-pocket budget. Damn. But hey, a girl can dream can't she? I mean, how delicious do stuffed mushrooms, crab cakes, and gazpacho sound. Peach blueberry pie?? Orgasmic. F-ing amazing. I am salivating.

Now I'm hungry. Must go.

Perils of Public Transportation (i miss my car!!!!)

Since moving to STGO a year ago, I really haven't minded taking public transportation and at first I was totally stoked on it cuz in FoCo, let's face it, TransFort is about 99.3% worthless and I'd never lived in a city that actually functioned via Public Transportation (no, the light-rail in Denver does not count). After some time, I realized that it, in fact, has it's downfalls-- ie: not so sexy when "guy with back sweat who smells like cigarettes and old cheese" rubs up against you and, trust me, he will. Not so amusing when you're just about to get on the Metro and a drunk girl pukes right point-blank on the whole front side of your body. YES THAT HAPPENED TO ME and NO I don't wanna talk about it (will haunt me for yearz). And Jesus Christ, STOP STARING AT ME (a national Chilean sickness). And not so endearing what I'm about to tell you.... what happened today... on the way home....

Well my friends, the first problem in this story is that I had to wait for the damn bus for about 30 minutes (excessive, even for Chilean public transport) and, as a result, I commenced the voyage a bit peeved in the first place. Patience, alas, is not exactly one of my virtues. It finally arrives and the sweaty, smelly, mass of completely bad mannered people push, shove, and toss themselves into the vehicle before it ever so jerkily lurches off. I begin to inch my way to the middle because my stop is one of the first and I have to ensure that I'm actually able to exit the bus; people aren't exactly friendly in letting you off which has prolifically improved my elbow throwing skillz. The bus stops at the next stop. Cool, just doin' it's thang, ok ok. After about the 1 minute waiting impatience limit, we're all like, "Ok dude, WTF lets get this bitch rolling what's the hold up?" all mumbly, grumbly, and annoyed. I naively thought, "hmm, maybe the doors aren't closing properly..." Au contraire. AU CONTRAIRE.

All of a sudden, this boy (about 17 maybe?) sucker punches the bus driver!!! And they begin the biggest bus brawl I have ever witnessed (hopefully it will be the last as well). Straight up choking each other, face punching, slapping, the whole 9 yards. I start to get a little panicky cuz, while I'm situated in the middle, I'm like, in between the front and the middle (1/4) and you never know where the fight is doing to disperse. Which I clearly didn't need to worry about because the next thing I know they have rolled onto the sidewalk and are, again, choking one another, tossing punches, kicking, body slamming, etc... this is serious people. Eventually a few brave passer-bys pulled them apart amidst the screaming, slurs, and attempted physical contact, and the bus driver pulls himself back to the driver's seat. Phew... that was a close one... Could have gotten seriously ugly...

PSYCH!!

Just as everyone is calming down, gathering their composure and preparing to hit the road for realz this time

THE KID THROWS A (seriously good sized) ROCK AND HITS THE DRIVER IN THE HEAD. The poor guy begins bleeding all over the place and the asshole kid has the balls to THROW ANOTHER ROCK, BREAKING THE WINDOW OF THE BUS. Holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit.... Of course the rotten flaite piece of trash runs away while this guy is gushing blood (eeeh, thank god not on me...) allll over the place. Clearly he is not giving us a ride home... It was awful. Awful. AWFUL. Bleeding everywhere.

The sickest part about it is that the brawl was most likely caused because the pendejo didn't pay the fare of $400 pesos (less than a dollar). Is it really that important? There are hundreds of people who sneek onto the bus everyday, ugh it annoys the s#!t outta me, please stop being so trashy. But what actually surprised me is the quantity of people who called the police/ambulance. From what I've heard, seen, and experienced, being proactive in a dire situation isn't a particularly lustrous Chilean quality. It's that mentality of "someone else will take action" or "I'm not accountable in this situation." It's not pretty... but at least today numerous onlookers were profoundly enough disturbed as to warrant taking initiative.

I can't say I'm too excited to have to take the bus again, and again, and again. But there's really no other option at this (young and broke) stage in life. Damn.

///////UNLESS-----
I go home... steal my car back from my sister, and go on the most BADASS road-trip EVER from Colorado to Santiago... Now just go ahead and tell me that wouldn't be cool...

////Has something like this ever happened to you on public transportation?
////What is the most disturbing thing you have seen/experienced on a bus/metro?
////Would you be jealous if I managed to rock the roadtrip? Wanna come with?!
////