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So- you know in the movie Mean Girls when they have lunch and there's all the different High School "cliques" who sit at different tables? And how the new girl (the ever-so-lustrious Lindsay Lohan) awkwardly walks around trying to find a place to sit, and ultimately ends up eating on the toilet in the bathroom??
THAT TOTALLY HAPPENED TO ME TODAY.
Not those events exactly but here at *work* they feed all the employees lunch and we even have those dumbfucking plastic trays to carry around our food (I've always loathed those things with a firey passion and have never known why). Well, my job isn't in a specific department even though I interact with almost all of them on a daily basis-- in my office it's just me, and the big boss man. Makes for somewhat of a lonely existance ESPECIALLY when you (or, me) goes to have lunch (obviously alone cuz its not like i have a office pals sitting next to me or anything) and walks into the cafeteria to see the following tables: 1) finance, 2) housekeeping, 3) kitchen staff, 4) marketing, 5) security, etc... and you're the LONE lost sheep who has NO friends and has to elect a table at random to awkwardly plop down upon.
So I'm like, ok, its OK, dont panic, I'll just go sit with these fine finance folks (with whom I'm most frequently in contact). I sit down. At the last seat. I notice that they're almost all done eating. Two girls get up and get fruit. I relax a little. Then, they all start talking about how they're planning this giant, like fucking fabulous, get together and they're all laughing and smiling about the future good times to be shared. Trust me, I by NO means expect to be included in this conversation whatsoever as I've only known these people for a total of 2 weeks and 3 days (plus- I think for some reason they think I don't understand them and therefore don't need to bother including me in the convo). But a "hi," a "hola, como estás?", or a mere nod of the head WOULDN'T KILL YOU WOULD IT?! Or am I living in some wild American dream where I assume other people actually make an effort (if even minute) to acknowledge your existence. It appears, my friends, I am.
I maintain going completely unnoticed until I make the wretched, god-awful mistake of asking Eugene (absolutly one of the most adorable, giant, Santa Clause-y old men I've ever met who always practices speaking English with me) to pass me the salt. Upon doing this he begins to ask me what "salt," "pepper," and "napkins" are in English. I tell him, add an encouraging smile cuz he's such a cute little g-pa, and look up to see everyone else staring at me with appalled, disgusted eyes. The conversation has come to a halt. Oops, I'm so sorry, I must have horrifically offended you by SPEAKING ENGLISH. I'm sorry I'm such a rotten human being.
I go back to being unnnoticed and unliked and they all get up and excuse themselves from the table (I'm not even halfway done eating my lunch). Which leaves me. Alone. Sitting alone in a full cafeteria. I play it cool of course while holding back the torrent of tears I could have cried while like 25 people walked past my table to sit with their own "tribes." Keep playing it cool. Can't do it. Get up in the middle of my lunch, throw the rest of it away, and make a B-line to my office of solitude. Again, I'm alone. But at least 75 people aren't staring at me like Carrie at her prom.
Needless to say, I'm feeling quite nostalgic for my REAL friends who have always been SO AWESOME and leagues cooler than everyone else...
And I'd be severely depressed if it weren't for your existence. Which, with this email I am acknowledging. Unlike some people.
Much love from my special office of solitary confinement---
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