Attempt at Being a Music Critic: the "Midnight Juggernauts" at the Caupolicán

I love music. I love music so much I once stood outside for 6 hours during a blizzard to get a prime show position.  I love music so much I'm a DJ by night (Tuesdays to be exact) who spinz tunz even during an earthquake when I thought the studio was gonna crumble me into a human pancake.  My ipod is like a baby (a marsupial baby cuz it's always in my pocket-- kangaRoo style bitches) but better cuz it doesn't poop or cry.  Despite this pasión (hmm there we have a contender for yesterday's post) I have never written a music critique-- never on a disc, on a song, on a band, nothing of the sort.  I've written about concert experiences such as BeyoncÉ and Manu Chao, but not in a critical manner.  The idea of writing about music hasn't really crossed my brain's frontier as I usually prefer to just listen n' jam and humbly assume that no one gives a h00t about my opinion.  And to be honest, I reciprocate the feeling towards other music critics.  Too subjective.  But there's a first for everything and, who knows, I may enjoy it...

So I'm gonna take the liberty to "critique" a "band" from the concert I attended last night with LL.  And I'm actually kinda stoked cuz I definitely have an opinion.....

This particular group was somehow chosen to open for two electronic acts, the first called The Twelves, and the second, a quite rad duo called 2manyDJs.  The previously mentioned pairs spun mad beats, peeps.  If the concert hadn't have started an hour late, if I hadn't have been starving with an achy-breaky back/feet, and if it weren't 3:00 in the morning on a work night (pathetic), I would have danced ma lil heart out.  2manyDJs totally rocked that casbah (or Teatro Caupolicán, if you will).  And I'm not embarrassed to say it was essentially my first electronic show-- nevertheless, (and with LL as a BF) it prob wont be the last.  Digression...

The Aussie "band," called the Midnight Juggernauts, who opened for these two groups, had "nada que ver" with electronic music.   Nothing whatsoever.  Maybe a few attempted mixes, attempted slides and laser-y sounds.  They ever-so-eloquently describe their "sound" as: anything from 'prog dance meets cosmic film scores, to slasher-flick disco to deadpan landscape.  I would peg them undoubtedly as "deadpan landscape" with no originality or personality to elevate them from the monotonous and unsexily breathy lead vocals.  Now, it could be attributed to the acoustics of the theater-- doubtful seeing as the following two acts sounded superb.  It was literally one bad one-toned song after another.  OH- and lest I forget their GAPING all-too-obvious David Bowie obsession and :( attempt at re-creation.  Arsher- you would have died.  I was laughing the entire two opening songs just thinking of you and the horror that would undoubtedly flush crimson across your face upon first musical utterance.  The first song was clearly intended to portray some kind of  illusionary musical talent with the Bowie-esque vocals.  But the SECOND song was LITERALLY a cut and unholy copy of "China Girl."  Minus the twangy Asian-inspired 80's grove and the "oh oh oh ohhhoo" it was THE SAME.  I couldn't make out if he was actually saying "oh little China Girl" because of his inability to enunciate and remove himself from the only octave to which his voice pertains, but it was damn close- that's for sure.

As if the uninhibited impersonation of a rock icon weren't enough, they had the audacity to ape the band we all know and love from 7th grade dances: Savage Garden.  If you think I'm joking, think to your self:  how on earth could I make up this comparison?  Who even remembers Savage Garden?¿?  But the rhythm behind the indecipherable vocals was so similar to the "chick-a-cherry cola" song (don't even pretend like you don't remember it) that a natural flood of memories rushed through my conscious and thus landed on this other Aussie duo's track from their self-titled and "unforgettable" debut disc.

Apparently they saved their most "famous" song, "Vital Signs(?)," for last which was obvious because it was the most poppy, or shall I say less "deadpan landscape," than the other songs they put us though.  As if they were hoping to leave a lasting rockable impression on what I'm sure were many impressionable hipster_wannabes.  But, friends, if there is one thing that is semi-universally well known is that the first impression is always the most important (right mom/HR?!).  And you can't just play a shitty set and expect people to coerce to your craptastic crooning by plopping a peppy tune as your exit nears.  It just doesn't work that way.  At least not for me.  Call me judgemental.  But that's what "music critics" are here to do, right?  Just testing the waters......

I'm usually not this negative, really.  And if I had even the slightest background knowledge or were well-versed in comparative abilities among the electronic genre, I would give 2manyDJs a stellar review.  They deserved it.  Their set was artistic and interesting, and mixes entertaining but approachable-- yet not too conventional.  7.8/10. Plus they projected a giant face of Nic Cage for like 5 minutes... and played a rockin Zombie Nation which is a surefire way to win a ZAG-ette's heart.

There you go.
How did I do?