I Murered the Most Resilient Bug Ever.

Though the title is somewhat self explanatory, I feel that my lack of presence in the blog-o-world warrants a vivid, first-hand telling of how I killed this creature that might have been God in disguise.  Because, people. the thing literally would not die.  Having smashed, whacked, poked (forcefully..) and dispensed of "it," those little legs did not cease to wander, its tentacles never terminated until the (??) end.  I am hence
worried about my karmic forthcomings....

So- I wake up in my usual groggy (I sleepy a solid 8 hours almost every night and still am unable to drag my pj'd ass outta bed at 6:52am... pathetic), unamused state and head to the baño to take a shower.  Upon opening the door, I am faced with a ginormous black beetle-y-cricket-sort-of-thing and mutter an annoyed "goddamnittt."  Carouse over to the kitchen and arm myself with my lime-green broom and matching dustpan (whud up now Martha).  Not. In. The. Mood. To be playing early morning ghost busters.  But I assume the appalling challenge and take some pathetic, sleepy swings and smashes at the thing as it conveniently cowers for its life behind the toilet.  Just to the degree to which the broom cannot reach.  Great.  "So, you're a clever SOB, huh?"

I semi-force it out of hiding as it scurries towards the trashcan.  This is not pretty.  And now I'm pissed off.  Okay so my attempted murder gets a tad more vengeful and I finally whack that f-er into what I thought would be its last breath.  Dispose of the remains in the bathroom trashcan, thinking, I'm over this shit, will deal with it when I get home.  Stupid idea.  Shower and forget about homicide exhibit A. 

Come home from work TEN HOURS LATER.  Go about my business and whatnot and it comes to my attention that there is yet another beetle of the same shape and color just chillin' on the wall near the dresser.  Really?  An infestation??  Disgruntled family member seeking revenge?  No and No (t yet).  I glimpse a little butterfly (hair??) clip that I managed to throw into the trash (like I would wear that eew) with said creature in the AM, RIGHT NEXT to the beetle on the wall!!!  That resilient son of a bitch crawled it's self OUT of the trashcan, clear across the room (not really that far, we are still talking in PollyP terms, peeps), and onto the wall WITH A BUTTERFLY CLIP ATTACHED TO ITSELF.  A real feat of nature.  Really.  And can you imagine what that must have looked like??  A mangled beetle sporting a nice lil pre-death accessory.  Morbid, I know.  (Have I mentioned that I'm like really cool, lately???). 

I almost didn't wanna finish it off.  Like, I was so impressed.  Really.  While smashing it into the corner saying, "Sorry but Die you SOB!  Sorry!" I felt soooo good about myself... not.  I really though I'd killed it by then.  It had shriveled up to like 1/8 of it's original monstrous size and I took a breath of relief.  Return cute broom to kitchen only to find the miracle-bug scampering away towards the sofa. ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!  Snatch broom and dustpan, jab at it a few more times and then scoop that sucker into the dust pan and THROW THAT SHIT OUT THE WINDOW.  NO MORE SNEEK ATTACKS YOU BUG OF GOD. 

So now, I'm almost 100% sure that it's gonna come back to get me and when it does, it will not be pretty...

This is my life.  I. Am. So. Cool.