Thursday, July 22, 2010

I am NOT "preciosa" you gross, trashy piropo-ing POS

This could sound offensive to those of you who have not spent extensive time in a Latin American country, but jesus, mary, and joseph am I sicker than sh¡t of nasty, no-class, "flaite," appalling, stinky, etc men who think it's somehow appropriate to cat-call women to the extent of their heart's desire. 
Get a life.  And some manners. 
Maybe you should read the Spanish version of The Goops.
Christ.

I mean, when it's 829374° below zero at 7:30 in the morning, snot happily streaming down my face, with cheeks rosier than a bb's butt, the last thing I wanna hear "oooooyi precioooooosa." 

And trust me: I am in NO way, by any means, whatSOever flattered by these verbal erections, nor am I somehow implying that I'm, um, hot or something because I'm about 98% positive that the same dirtbags would do the same thing to a female looking like this:
Not kidding.

My most recent recurring response to these disgraces is to say "F¿CK OFF" or "UGH, G(uh)ROSS" because, going out on a limb here, I'm gonna make the conjecture that the only "Englich" these bros know is "yes (jes)" or maybe even "I no speak Englich."  Sorry, sounds harsh but at this point I lack the will to be diplomatic.  I used to just try and ignore it and turn up the volume on my ipodski but, amigos, I'm not longer interested in molding my mannerisms around these humans.  Not worth the effort.  

So today, walking to work in said freezing, unflattering temperatures, I was piropo-ed on various occasions.  The first actually totally freaked me out (for no reason) because I walked by 2 creepers while they were verbally leering me and I said in an annoyed, pissed, and very audible tone: "F¿CK OFF."  And approx 1 second later I suffered a mild heart attack because I thought that one of them had turned around and grabbed my purse when really one of my purses' clasps snagged my jeans......Whoops.  The body flailing/weird Irish jig-spasm that occurred in turn was quite embarrassing.  Tried to play it cool.  Couldn't really recover gracefully so I just stood on the corner like a dummy and stared at the sky, avoiding eye contact with the millions of traffic-going passengers.  Durr.

And let me just take the time to note:  can't you dudes come up with any more creative material??  If you're attempting to lure a lady into your "lios" don't you imagine we might appreciate something more zesty and unique than a breathy "preciosa" and customary whistle?  UGH. Get. A. Life.

The next "piropo" that followed demanded a tad more exuberance on the part of the piropo-er seeing as he used the magic button on the car door (a straight up genius of the 20th century) to roll down the window and YELL "preciosa" to me as I was nonchalantly crosswalking towards the other side.  I furiously flipped him a black-gloved bird and mouthed an (american-ally) obvious "F¿UCK YOU" right in his face as he obliviously swerved the corner. 

Now, my mother would not be the least bit pleased to hear of my anti-attention tactics, and even yours truly am willing to admit that I am somewhat lowing myself to the deep, dark, depths of their "level," but can anyone else come up with a more creative, spur-of the-moment response?? 
//What would YOU do??  HUh, huh???

It's not fair that I'm just trouncing along to a Jay-Z beat, minding my own biznass, and have to deal with these creeps who errantly believe that they can just blurt out whatever nasty noun that occurs to their pea-size noggin'.  Not fair I tell you.  Feelings of complete uncomfort, insecurity (safety, not vanity, wise), and pure disgust are none of which I enjoy experiencing on a daily basis.. let alone at 7:45am. 

So please, get creative, or get a muzzle.
Or get The Goops.
Or a life.
//Four very viable options.
"¡Eres un weón, lavate la boca! Es SUCIA!"

2 comments:

  1. Ugh, that sucks. I hate dealing with that - soooo awkward and unwarranted and uncool. Boo.

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  2. It's lamentable, but it's here to stay. It grosses me out, too, but age is on my side here, because I can guarantee you that it falls off as you get older. Often, I like so say, "Sí, sé!" to a well-placed "mi reina" or "preciosa." I think it's funny, and although it got the reaction, it didn't get the one they thought they'd get, and hey, we all have a good time.

    Or you come to the blog and vent, also allowed. And OMG, I laughed so hard one time when someone "hola vecina"-ed me and I whirled around to discover... it was actually a neighbor of mine (in La Vega).

    Suerte!

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